At the age of 54, when some people contemplate an early retirement, Rich Graves became an officer in the Prince George’s County Police Department in Maryland. For decades, he had dreamed of one day becoming a police officer.
Before graduating from the Prince George’s County Police Academy in 2011 with recruits half his age, Graves had worked for 32 years in the financial department of the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Washington as an accountant, chief accountant, assistant secretary for finance and management and later as the executive director for real estate and risk management.
“I’ll still be serving (others), in a different way,” Graves said in an interview then.
Rich Graves went on to serve for 12 years as a police officer in Prince George’s County and then with the Montgomery County Police Department before retiring in 2022.
“He was in his element. He just shined. He was always wanting to help somebody,” said Terry Graves, his wife of 45 years. Together, they raised five children and had 13 grandchildren.
Rich Graves died on April 21, 2025 at the age of 68 after suffering from Lewy body dementia. Hundreds of people – including many police officers from Montgomery and Prince George’s counties and surrounding jurisdictions and his friends and colleagues who worked with him at the archdiocesan Pastoral Center – filled St. Patrick’s Church in Rockville for his Mass of Christian Burial on April 25. Then police cruisers led a long procession to Gate of Heaven Cemetery in Silver Spring, passing a line of motorcycle police parked near the cemetery’s entrance.
The gravesite service included a police honor guard accompanying his flag-draped casket, with other officers solemnly playing bagpipes and drums before the firing of a 21-gun salute. As the service at the cemetery concluded, the honor guard folded the flag, and an officer knelt before Terry Graves and handed it to her, and then the shell casings from the 21-gun salute, placed in white gloves, were handed to Officer Mike Graves, a sergeant with the Montgomery County Police who had offered support and guidance during his father’s academy training and pinned the badge on him when he became a police officer.
In a later interview Officer Mike Graves, one of four sons of Rich and Terry Graves, reflected on the police and community presence at his father’s funeral Mass and cemetery service. “The support was overwhelming,” he said, noting that many colleagues told him that his father was one of the best police officers they had ever worked with. Reflecting on what he learned from his father’s police service, he said, “I’m definitely going to take his dedication and commitment to the job with me.”
Another son, Officer Paul Graves, a deputy in the Frederick County Sheriff’s Office who followed his brother and father in that profession, said the turnout of police at the visitation at the church, then at the funeral Mass and cemetery “just showed the impact he had on everyone… He loved the job, and he would come home from work and still work on (police) reports. His dedication to the job was just through the roof.”
Msgr. Donald Essex – who formerly served as the archdiocese’s director of finance and management and who had an office adjoining Rich Graves’ office at the Pastoral Center – was the main celebrant at the funeral Mass, joined by three other priests. The homily was given by Deacon Tom Ryan, Terry Graves’ brother who serves in the Archdiocese of Atlanta.
Msgr. Essex later noted, “Rich was completely dedicated to his work, yet he always had time for those knocking at his door or calling on the phone… I am so grateful for Rich’s dedication to the archdiocese, his family, his many friends and to his community.”
That point was echoed by another colleague, Terry Farrell, who now serves as the archdiocese’s chancellor. “Always, and I mean always, (Rich was) concerned for others, and that was the way he supervised a very large staff… as a team,” Terry Farrell said.
During 20 of his years working for the archdiocese, Rich Graves worked closely with Washington Auxiliary Bishop Kevin Farrell, who later served as the bishop of Dallas and was appointed to the Vatican and elevated to the College of Cardinals, where he most recently has served as the chamberlain of the Holy See. Over the years, then-Bishop Farrell presided at the wedding of the Graves’ daughter, Kristy, to her husband Matt Goodnough, and the future cardinal also baptized and confirmed the Graves’ two youngest sons, Paul and Kyle.
At Rich Graves’ Mass of Christian Burial, the first eulogy was offered by his daughter, Kristy Goodnough, who stood beside her four brothers. She joked that their father was known as “Rich, Dad and Grandpa, and yes, I am fully aware that many of the officers here called him Grandpa as well.”
“Our dad was a man who loved three things fiercely: his family, his faith and watching his sports teams win,” she said. “Dad was a man of faith. He never missed Saturday 5 o’clock Mass, and therefore neither did we.”
She added, “Faith wasn’t just something he believed in, it was something he lived, quietly, consistently and without needing to make a big show of it. His faith and his work ethic were second to none.”
In his interview in 2011, Rich Graves noted how he and his wife Terry started every day praying together. “Putting God first in your life is important,” he said.
Kristy Goodnough said her father and mother had “a quiet, steady love that never wavered, from the day they met to the day he left us.”
She joked that her father had a “hidden superpower” from his years working in the archdiocese’s finance office. “He could key in hundreds of numbers faster than most people type their phone number, but even more impressive (was) his ability to count down when we were in trouble,” she said.
The second eulogy at the funeral Mass was offered by Rich Fowler, a longtime friend of Rich Graves who served as the director of the archdiocesan Office of Social Development and then as the secretary for social concerns. Rich Fowler noted that he sometimes had problems managing his budget, and Graves would then demonstrate both “accountability and compassion… It would come out something like, ‘We can fix this. Here’s what you need to do.’” He added, “Some of us are compassionate and kind but not clear, direct or demanding enough… Rich had both of those qualities in seemingly perfect balance, and they showed up over and over again in every aspect of his life.”
Their wives – Terry Graves and Cindy Fowler – worked together in a graphic design firm they founded, Graves Fowler Creative, and their family members enjoyed vacations and long bicycle trips together, including along the C&O Canal in Maryland and in Ireland.
The intercessions at the Mass included prayers for police officers and for people suffering from dementia.
In addition to his wife Terry, Rich Graves is survived by their daughter Kristy Goodnough, a physical therapist, and her husband Matt and their children Dylan, Parker and Brookleigh; by their son Kevin Graves, a senior engineer with Geico, and his wife Alicia and their children Gia, Mickey, Britt, Lincoln and Hunter; by their son Mike Graves and his wife Laura and their sons Jackson and Easton; by their son Paul Graves and his wife Lindsay and their sons Grayson and Riley; and by their son Kyle Graves, a physical therapist, and his wife Anna and their son Frankie.
Rich Graves, a native of New Haven, Connecticut, is also survived by his siblings Chuck Graves, Eileen Graves, John Graves and Jim Graves and by their spouses and children. His parents, Charles and Teresa Graves, preceded him in death.
In an interview, Terry Graves said she and her future husband first saw each other at a volleyball game for young adults, and later they struck up a conversation as they were walking into St. John the Baptist Church in Silver Spring at the same time. Later they played together on a softball team and began dating after the season.
“Church and softball kind of joined us (together). We just clicked,” she said.
Rich and Terry Graves were longtime members of St. John the Baptist Parish, and all five of their children attended the parish’s elementary school. The couple also played softball together for decades, side-by-side in the outfield, as their coed teams won many trophies.
Over the years, Rich Graves remained active in sports. In addition to competing in softball and riding bicycles, he coached baseball and earned a black belt in karate.
In 2022, he was diagnosed with Lewy body dementia, which has symptoms that include hallucinations, movement disorders, cognitive problems, sleeping trouble and depression. His daughter Kristy compiled a memory book for him filled with photos of their family over the years. The cover had the words WE LOVE YOU!
“I think Rich having this disease brought us (our family) closer to each other and closer to God. We really had to walk by faith,” Terry Graves said.
In his last year of life, Rich Graves remained physically active, hitting softballs, playing ping-pong and pickleball and riding his Peloton bike. He lived at home until late February, when he moved to Olney Memory Care, where the executive director had a ping-pong table set up for him. Noting how her husband maintained his helpful demeanor, Terry Graves said, “Rich would hold doors for people.”
As his disease progressed, he was brought to Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore for a medical evaluation and was placed in the intensive care unit when he had difficulty breathing. Msgr. John Enzler, a family friend who formerly led Catholic Charities of the Archdiocese of Washington, administered the Sacrament of Anointing of the Sick on Rich Graves on Holy Saturday, April 19.
The next day, on Easter Sunday, Baltimore Archbishop William Lori visited Rich Graves at the hospital and prayed for him. Years earlier when then-Father Lori was serving as the priest secretary for Washington Cardinal James Hickey, Graves had taught him the key accounting principle of how to read a balance sheet. “I had Rich tutor me, and that has served me well ever since,” Archbishop Lori said.
On Easter Monday April 21, Rich Graves died at the hospital, with his family at his side.
Later during an interview at their home after his funeral Mass and cemetery service, Terry Graves expressed appreciation for all the support her family had received and the respect shown to her husband by his fellow police officers. Displayed on the living room mantle was the tri-folded flag that the police honor guard had handed to her.
“He was so loved and respected,” she said, noting his work ethic that he displayed over the years. “He didn’t just show up… He came to really make a difference.”
On the same day that Rich Graves died, his friend Cardinal Kevin Farrell as the Vatican’s chamberlain announced to the world that Pope Francis had died that morning.
Four days later at her father’s Funeral Mass, Kristy Goodnough in the closing words of her eulogy encouraged people to remember Rich Graves as a “man of faith and integrity… who always showed up, never quit and loved his wife and family deeply.”
Then she added, “Now go Dad, get that police escort ready for the Pope!”
