I spend time working on my homily before every Mass I celebrate. I almost always stick to what I prepared, but occasionally – I think guided by the Holy Spirit –I feel led in a different direction as I am preaching.
That happened last month as I presided at a funeral for someone who had taken his own life. It’s always a sad and difficult situation that I know brings up many questions about where we will spend eternity.
For centuries, the Church discouraged funerals for those who took their own lives. Over the last 50 years or so, the thinking changed as the Church began to view such drastic and tragic decisions as coming not from clear moral thinking but from mental health issues and the depths of despair.
The current Catechism of the Catholic Church, approved in 1992 by Pope St. John Paul II, states, “Grave psychological disturbances, anguish, or grave fear of hardship, suffering, or torture can diminish the responsibility of the one committing suicide.”
I share the same merciful view toward those who reach a breaking point and are unable to see a way out of their suffering besides suicide. In this particular case, the still fairly young adult had a history of trouble and had sought help, but the pain and despondency must have become so intense that he could no longer cope.
I talked about this in my homily, and as I was preaching, I started thinking about the various ways the rest of us view our own eternal destiny. Many of us are terrified at the thought of going to hell, understandably so. Others are almost the opposite. They see God’s love, mercy, and forgiveness – all very real – and think heaven is a lock.
I thought maybe we should take a different view, and I shared experiences from my youth to illustrate that. I told those gathered that when I was a boy and got out of line, my father might ask, “John, do I have to get the belt?” He never did use it, but the possibility was a clear message that I needed to behave.
When I got to be a teenager, his tone shifted to something that affected me much more deeply. He would say, “John, I’m so disappointed in you.” That really hurt. The thought of disappointing my parents devastated me.
Most of us feel this way toward loved ones – parents, siblings, spouses, children, grandchildren, friends. The thought of letting my parents down upset me far more than any possible punishment.
I asked during my homily: Shouldn’t that be true of the way we love God? Rather than fear of punishment or a perceived fast pass to heaven, what if we focused on pleasing God and not disappointing the one who created us, loves us, and gives us all good things?
What if we tried to please God in both the big ways, like fidelity to the commandments, as well as the little ways we love every day? Maybe we can be a little kinder, more patient, and more giving each day. Perhaps we could share more of our time, talent, and treasure with those around us and those in need. Even just talk to God more.
My biggest concern is for those who don’t go to Church on Sunday. I am sure we disappoint God when we his children don’t spend time with him in the sacred gift of the Mass. I can easily imagine God in heaven thinking, “I miss John. I created him, blessed him with many gifts, and watch over him. I’m sad that he can’t give just one hour a week to say thank you.”
I didn’t expect my homily to go that direction, but I think the Holy Spirit put it on my heart to try to reach those who were there and maybe aren’t practicing their faith as God would like. I hope it had an impact.
We should all remember that while God gives freely and doesn’t demand anything in return, he deserves something in return – our gratitude, our presence, and our love in all things. We were created to love and serve God, so we should strive to do that to the best of our ability. We will fall short, but I believe God is pleased that we try.
When our days here are done and we are called home, we would all rather hear God say, “Well done good and faithful servant,” than “I’m so disappointed.”
(Msgr. John Enzler serves as the mission advocate of Catholic Charities of The Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Washington and is a chaplain at his alma mater, St. John’s College High School in Washington. He writes the Faith in Action column for the archdiocese’s Catholic Standard and Spanish-language El Pregonero newspapers and websites.)
